Ferret-Legging

You step through the tavern door, and are immediately overcome with the smell of cheap ale and the sound of raucous laughter.  Some sort of competition is going on in the back, near the fireplace.  You see two men standing on a table, with pained expressions on their faces.  They seem to be dancing around uncomfortably, and you see squirming movements in their burlap trousers.  The crowd around the table cheers them on, while passing around money and betting slips.  Finally, one of the competitors shouts, “I give!  I give!”  Half the patrons let out victory cheers while the rest curse.  As the competitors climb down from the table, they loosen their pants, and each of them pulls out a pair of ferrets.  The ferrets are taken by handlers and put into cages. 

Seeing you newcomers, one of the ferret handlers shouts, “Hey, new blood!  Want to give it a try?”

I like keeping some quick tavern games at the ready, preferably ones that are heavy on the flavor and light on the rules.  Thanks to this cartoon, I have recently learned of a real-life activity called “Ferret-Legging”.  I don’t know about the ethics of this “sport” in real life (as far as I know, the ferrets are unharmed, though I haven’t done much research).  But it sounds like a fun bit of flavor to liven up your D&D tavern. 

The rules:

Each contestant sticks two ferrets in their pants. 

The pants are tied tight at the ankles and around the waist, to keep the ferrets from escaping.

Whoever can stand it the longest, wins.  

Contestants are allowed to give up at any time.  

The pants must be loose enough to allow the ferrets to move from one leg to the other.  (In game, the PCs might be supplied with a special pair of burlap trousers.)

You may not wear underwear or any other clothing underneath your pants.

For each participant, the DM rolls a d20 to represent the ferrets’ movements.

1-9: The ferrets tickle a lot this turn, but the contestant toughs it out.

10-19: The ferrets bite, and the contestant must make a CON save vs the number the DM rolled.

20: The ferrets bite hard, and the contestant makes the CON save with disadvantage.

After each contestant gets a turn, the next round starts.  If a contestant fails three CON saves, they can't take it any more, and are out of the competition.  The player who lasts the longest wins.

Optional Rule: If the player rolls a nat 20 on a CON save, they have advantage on their next CON save.

Notes:

The contestants can be PCs or NPCs.  The fewer contestants the better, but it requires at least two so they can try to outlast each other.

It doesn’t matter what order the contestants go in, as everything that happens in a round is happening at the same time.  If the final two contestants lose the game in the same round, it’s a tie.

The odds on the CON saves are in the contestants' favor, since they get to add their CON bonus versus the DM’s unmodified roll.  This is intentional, because it’s an endurance test, and because the players are competing with each other more than they’re competing with the DM.

Why exclude numbers 1 through 9 from the CON saves?  This is just to speed things up a little, since the players would most likely make those saves anyway.  Plus I wanted to add some flavor, by having rounds where the ferrets tickle but don’t bite.

As in battle, a round represents 6 seconds.  This means the minimum a match can last is 18 seconds.  According to Wikipedia, in 1972 the world record was 40 seconds.  However, the current world record is over five hours, so clearly this is a sport where a lot of variation is possible.  If you want to change the length of a round, that’s up to you.

Usually, the last contestant standing is immediately declared the winner and can let their ferrets out.  However, a PC might want to keep going just to see how many rounds they can last.  A tavern might have its own record of longest times that the PCs can try to beat, and possibly even a reward for those who break the record.  I suggest the standing record being about 3 minutes (30 rounds). 

This sport is mostly played by men, and winning is considered a macho thing.  There is a female version, called "ferret-busting", that involves blouses instead of pants.  But it isn't nearly as popular.

Flavor:

Describe the tickling (roll 1-9) or biting (10-20) in detail.  Some sample descriptions:

1 “The ferrets don’t move much this turn.”

2 “The ferrets move around a little, but it doesn’t bother you.”

3 “The ferrets run up and down your legs, which tickles a lot, but you manage to keep a straight face.”

4 “A ferret licks the back of your knee, making you giggle uncontrollably.”

5 “A ferret runs up and down your leg, tickling like mad.”

6 “The back of your legs feel like you’re being attacked by feather dusters.”

7 “You can’t help but laugh as both ferrets circles around your legs.”

8 “A ferret squiggles past a particularly sensitive area, tickling you in a way that you find disturbingly pleasurable."

9 “The ferrets nibble on your ankles, but it doesn’t hurt.”

10 “One ferret bits you lightly on the kneecap.”

11 “A ferret bites you.  It feels like getting jabbed with a knitting needle.”

12 “You feel a ferret clawing at your ankles, trying to find a way out.”

13 “A ferret bites you.  It hurts like the dickens.”

14 “A ferret bites you in the hindquarters."

15 “A ferret bites your right thigh.  It hurts a lot.”

16 “You feel a stabbing pain in your left calf.”

17 “Both ferrets bite you at once.  It’s not a pleasant feeling.”

18 “A ferret bites you hard…” (If save) “…but you can take it.” (If fail) “…causing you to shriek like a child.”

19 “A ferret bites you extremely hard…” (if save) “…but you wince and persevere.” (If fail) “….causing you see spots for a few seconds.”

20 "A ferret bites you in the worst possible area, causing you to double over in pain."