The Rule of Three Revisited

Some RPGs have a the “Rule of Three” when it comes to survival checks.  It varies from system to system, but I have seen this rule of thumb come up in more than one RPG.

Basically, a PC can go:

…three minutes without air.

…three days without water.

…three weeks without food.

Generally speaking, the PC doesn’t immediately die at the end of those time periods, it just means at that point they have to start making saving throws. 

I would like to add a few of my own.

…thirty seconds without blinking.

Mostly used for staring contests.

…thirty seconds without sneezing.

Let’s say you’re trying to hide.  Maybe you’ve found a pretty good hiding space, but it’s dusty.  There’s so much dust in the air, in fact, that you feel a sneeze coming on.  Except sneezing will give you away, so you restrain yourself.  After thirty seconds, you have to start making CON checks or you’ll sneeze.  Arguably this kind of thing would be covered by stealth checks, but why punish less stealthy characters for something clearly CON-related?  Let’s say you already found a really great hiding place, like a wardrobe.  Stealth is no longer an issue, now you just have to keep from sneezing.

…three hours without using the restroom.

This doesn’t mean your character has to use the restroom every three hours.  It just means that three hours after you eat, you start to feel the need to relieve yourself.  If choose not to go at this time, you have to make a CON save each hour.  It's an easy CON save at first, but the difficulty gets higher each hour.

Okay, let me make one thing clear.  I would never actually play in a campaign where the DM makes us roll for every bowel movement.  Heck, I don't even like DMs who make me keep count of my arrows.  But the restroom rule would be for very specific situations.  For example... Oh, I don't know, maybe your DM is running a one-shot based on the "Potty Emergency" episode of Animaniacs.

…three days without bathing.

This one would depend on the setting.  In some medieval-style worlds, three weeks might be more appropriate.  Still, there aren’t a lot of excuses to make CHA saves in D&D, so this would be one of them.  Excessive body odor can affect social interactions, and even attract monsters.  The saving throw (or skill check) represents your ability to clean up nice, perhaps wiping away excessive sweat, etc.  Can your character trek through the swamp and still make themselves presentable to the king later?  Remember, never let them see you sweat.

…three months without sex.
Unless they’re married, in which case they can go three years without sex.  Of course this one started as a joke.  But why not?  Well, to be honest, I’m hesitant to even mention sex in an RPG.  You have to be playing with the right kind of group, and you need to establish some serious ground rules in session zero.  Even then it's not a subject I'm likely to approach as a DM.  For some, even mentioning rules for sex opens the door to inappropriate behavior.  

But I'm not saying that failing your CON save would send you into a sexual frenzy.  My idea is that if you fail your save, it makes some social interactions awkward.  Maybe you have disadvantage on rolls to interact with NPCs you find attractive, because you keep staring in the wrong place or stumbling to say the right thing.  

Eh, still probably not a great idea.  Given recent events in the RPG community, I'm not sure even the best DMs are capable of handling the subject in an inoffensive way.  

But it doesn’t even have to be sex.  It can be anything your character is into.  Try this:  When you create your character, and you’re filling out the “Personality Traits/Ideals/Bonds/Flaws” section, make sure to list something your character really loves.  It could be swimming, chocolate, painting, petting cats, bacon, spending time with family, painting cats with bacon, or watching a play.  Really any hobby or indulgence that’s possible in the setting.  If they don’t get the opportunity to fulfill that need once every three months, they start to make saving throws.  The stat might vary depending on the thing being missed, but for WIS saves seem appropriate for most of them.  Failing a save means that the character cares less about their quest.  Sometimes you have to be reminded of the good in the world to continue to want to save it.

This might be more of a roleplay penalty than a mechanical one, giving players an opportunity to act out how they deal with being homesick for their favorite activities.  On the other hand, this despair could cause you to have trouble concentrating (affecting spellcasting or INT/WIS saves) or make it so your heart’s just not in it (penalty to attack rolls).

A lot of this blog is meant as humor more than actual suggestions.  Regular readers know I prefer my RPGs with the simplest rules possible, and the above ideas make the game more complicated.  Still, if any of you decide to get silly and use some of these ideas, let me know how it goes.